an addition to apr 28

it’s happened again. i’ve created a big project. humongous and gargantuan. the biggest thing i’ve ever done. it took a lot of time and energy and hard work to create and execute and now that’s it’s done…i hate myself?

i am so happy to have created what i have created and i can feel nothing but disdain for myself and my surroundings. i wish to be proud of what i am accomplishing but i have a complex. an i can never be proud of myself complex. boy, do i wish this was not the case, but i feel as though i can always be doing better. that i always should be doing better. that what i’m doing isn’t enough. that what i’m doing is never enough.

putting so much work into these things makes me exhausted. absolutely exhausted and i think i know why. obviously, it’s an emotionally tolling process from the getgo.

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